This is the end of the line.

This is the end of the line. It has taken me a few weeks to admit but we were not working. I dont expect everyone to understand but i am moving on and i have never been this happy in a long time. So thanks for reading along and you never know i may be back sometime with the next chapter.

so touching

I just had to post this link, someone put it on facebook and i cried, i couldnt believe it. Take a look....

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1355014174247

teary time

As i think everyone on the planet knows that yesterday was the royal wedding and i have to say i was looking forward to it for quite some time. Mostly because i wanted to see the dress but i also wanted to see the look on williams face when he saw kate, that was a priceless moment. I do love the dress so much, it was spectacular (i wish i was able to get away with a dress like that) but i had vissions of her wearing something more like what her sister was wearing just with a longer train to show off her amazing figure, but she looked so beautiful i dont think the dress would really change much for her.

There was just a few things about the wedding that got to me and made me unable to watch it all. I managed to see up until he had given her her ring but i had to excuse myself to the bathroom, i got so upset that its going to be even longer until i am in that position, not that i will be marrying a prince of england or having people from all over the world and celebrities to my wedding but to me my little wedding would still have made me feel like a princess. Not knowing when our wedding will be is really getting to me. Maybe if money was no problem then i dont thing i would have so much stress and i could set another date but with all of our problems that need to be resolved are mostly issues that involve money which really doesnt help.

Another excuse i had to leave watching the wedding is Mimi had to go to the vets during the wedding (we got back as they were coming out of the church). With cavaliers they have a common problem with their knees, well i have noticed that Mimi walks with her legs straight sometimes and it has gotten significantly more frequant so i was keeping an eye on her and i saw her knees wobble as she walked away from me, at the vets they confirmed what i thought, she has luxating patella on her back right leg and maybe on her back left, she is booked in for a consult with the ortho on friday and to have sedation and xrays. I got a little upset as she is still just a puppy (10 months) but they said it is better to get it sorted sooner rather than later. If the ortho thinks it is serious she may need surgery which seems like a big step. I am just hoping its not going to cost too much as there are limits to her insurance and just the consult, sedation and xrays are going to cost just under £160 which is quite expensive but i have seen somebodies quote for surgery and that was £1200. I will keep you updated with what happens.

Little bit of a change in the big day

Well there is still going to be a big day just not of the wedding variety (well for a little while anyways). Let me explain.

Next year me and Dave turn 25 (no not on the same day and we are not some backwards inbread incestuous twins either). Daves birthday is in march and mine is in september so last night we decided there was need for some fun next year so we decided we would have a big joint 25th birthday party, even better it will be fancy dress. As i have posted before i love dressing up, i do it for christmas at work, for charity fun runs give me an excuse and i will dress for it. So we decided that we will maybe have it around june or july which is in the middle so i will be having a premature quarter of a century party. I was in a little world of my own after we decided as to what i would dres up as and here were some of my choices and the reasons.

Pirate.

I always wanted a pirate party, i just think it would be so fun and i would get to burn invitations and things like that and make treasure maps for directions, but i dont think everyone would be all for that and so either wouldnt come or they wouldnt dress up.

Rocky horror.

I love the rocky horror picture show, i have watched it so many times and i even have the glee special soundtrack too, yes i am a gleek but who can blame me right? well i thought i could be Janet for the first half then change into something a little more racy later but then i thought. I really dont want to see the likes of my dad, brother and some friends in not much more than underwear, the thought makes me a little bit on the ill side so thats not really a good idea.

Jessica Rabbit.

I loved the way she looked with her red dress, long legs and red hair, she was what a real woman would look like to me, she had amazing curves. I dont think i have a reason not to go for this option apart from i dont want to wear a wig but im also not sure if i want to dye my hair red either.

Pageant queen.

I never got to have a prom in school but always wanted to wear an amazing gown, other than a wedding dress obviously, but i never got to wear one so i thought if i got a gown, sash and a crown i could go as a pageant queen. Only thing is the price of the gown, sash and crown.

Avatar (navi).

Since i found out about this movie i loved the look of the navi, one problem i just dont have the body shape to walk around in a skin tight blue suit, if i ever got that small this would be my first choice but i dont think i could pull it off.

I will re post when i think of something else.

Its on hold

That's right we have had to put the wedding on hold. We don't know how long for but we had taken on way too much and i ended up breaking down. I am not in a stable position to deal with this right now, it is still the one thing i want but it cant happen just yet, not when this is something we have control over and that we don't really have to do but other things in our lives right now we cant control and that need to take priority. I am quite upset that we have to do this but we cant see a way of dealing with it all at once, i feel like i have to be wonder woman sometimes to deal with it but i just don't have the powers. It was hard but we both had to take a long hard look at our lives and we had a hard decision to make as we will lose a lot in deposits but we know that we probably wouldn't even make it to the wedding if we pushed ourselves anymore we would either end up in a mental institute or something worse. There are a few things we need to sort out but they are major things and they cant be ignored, they may bring us closer but if they don't get sorted i fear they will push us apart.

chair covers

I have been a little bit reluctant to post anything about the wedding lately as once i had found what i thought was a great deal it either fell through or there were catches but we finally have chair covers, well we don't have them as such but i sent off the cheque for them today, they are £1.95 per chair and that includes a sash so we ordered 85 of those then we have to add one a £50 deposit that will also play as a security deposit so we will get that back 2 weeks after the wedding if everything is all in order. so in the last month i have written cheques of over £230 just on deposits which does feel a bit sickening but i suppose it has to be done.

So we have the following off the top of my head there are probably a few things i have forgotten:
Church
Hotel
Photographer
Chair covers
My dress
My shoes
My tiara
Bridesmaids shoes
Cuff links
Stationary stock
1/3 of the jars/vases/bowls for candies
Hundreds of candles
Items for centre pieces
Some decorations e.g bows
Dj for reception
Cake

I know there has to be something i have forgot but it is past 1am so i cant really be blamed can i.

Im so stressed

I really don't know what to do.....I am having all these problems at work and i really don't need the stress right now.

I have wrote about someone called Ewa before well, i was at work on Monday and she waited till about 10 minutes before we finished work to come over and corner me and ask if i had a mental problem, i had no idea what she was talking about but i found this very insulting because i have suffered with manic depression since i was in school, so i don't respect someone asking that. Anyway then she went on telling me i should stop talking about her on facebook because people are laughing at her....i had no idea what she was talking about again, yes i put something on facebook at the time she was talking about but i cant help the fact that she thinks the world revolves around her and that maybe this status wasn't about her, i dont get why people think they can use my personal facebook page as ammunition at work? So i just said it wasn't like she doesn't talk about me or anyone else to her friends but in her own language, to which she said yes she does and we are all women so what do i expect.......erm am i the only one who wants to know why its ok for people to talk about others because we are women but if i did say anything about her why she has a problem with it. Then she went to swear at me but stopped and said she wasn't going to say it because she was not like my mom (my mom swore in front of one of her friends when they had moved her work back just before Christmas) then i said she was exactly the same because she went to say it, then she proceeded to tell me to f**k off numerous times while waffling on about me growing up and stop causing trouble, when i got a word in a told her that she was in the wrong because she came to my work area and left hers just to have a go and intimidate my by standing over me while saying all this and just reading into things that wernt about her. She must have been looking for something to pin on me because she would have read the status then had to click to read more comments from what she told me she had read. As we had words before why would she feel the need to search my page and statuses for unless she was waiting for something to have a rant about. I will put a copy of the conversation between me and my friend that was on facebook so that you can see nowhere are there any names. I got worked up after she walked away when other people started turning up for the night shift so when i was ready to leave i told her if she had a problem with something outside of work then tell me outside of work, to which she flew off again saying i am the one with the problem and i should grow up, i sad she was the one who needed to grow up and how old is she, all she could say was how old am i?..... Well i am 24 this year she is 30 i think 6 years is a lot of time to mature to her standards and her sophistication (not that i would want to if that's how you act). In the end all i could think was she did it at the end of work hoping she could just go home and i would drop it and hoping the head of shift would have already left. I personally think she has some sort of attention disorder like she has to make sure everything is about her even if its not. Not long ago i woke up to people asking if i was ok i didn't under stand but when i went onto facebook i understand why, someone had set up a fake facebook page with my name and commented on every single picture that i was in with the word 'fake' now i have like 400 pictures with me in on there and every time they commented i got an email, looking at the times of the emails it took them about an hour and half and finished about 1:30 in the morning, don't that sound a little bit suspicious as the same week our clock-in cards were being moved. I told all of this to the head of shift nick and he said not to take it further as he will sort it and has it....no it got worse obviously when she was looming over me with her rant. So i rang ACAS who are like a union and told them the situation and what i should do about it, the lady said that it sounded like serious intimidation and should be taken higher which would be to write an official grievance letter to the manager saying what happened and to request a meeting to see how this is going to be solved. which i did. Nick wasn't pleased and didn't speak to me at all last night after he found out i had gone higher than him and gone to Geoff, but what does he expect when he was going round saying he would tell them but did nothing and then last night my mom herd him talking to other people about it. I was supposed to have a meeting today before work but i got a phone call saying the owners were thankful with the way i had dealt with things so far and they would do everything official so i should be getting a letter maybe today to say when the meeting is, i was also told the Ewa was not told about any of this so if i do get any comments from her i know who has told her. I am also allowed someone in the meeting with me so i asked June if she will come with me but it depends when it is now as i don't want to drag her down if it is out of work hours, she knows that i need the fertility treatment and is always asking how i am coping and am i dealing with the stresses so she knows what I'm going through. I have been pushed around way too much in my life and I'm not going to just push it away anymore. The only thing i am really bothered about is when ever one of the polish get told off for anything they pull the racist card, that would hurt me so much because i am the most un racist person in the world, i went to a primary school and secondary school when white English kids were the minority and so i have been bought up to see that as normal, one of my best friends in primary school was a refugee from Albania so how can i be racist???

This is what was put on facebook, where does that say anything spacific to a person? where is her name?

Amy Whittaker



At what age is it inappropriate to look like an over grown toddler???? I think someone missed the memo lol
25 March at 17:47 via Android · Friends only ·LikeUnlike · · View feedback (8)Hide feedback (8).
Hayley Smith and Kimberley Meekcom like this..


Adele Cashmore Funniest status I've read in a while!
25 March at 21:52 · LikeUnlike.

Amy Whittaker Its even funnier if you could see the person its about all i will say is a headband ok but a bow???? And they are like 30 lol
25 March at 22:08 · LikeUnlike.

Adele Cashmore When you mentioned toddler I had the image of a 30 year old woman in a baby grow or something similar!
25 March at 22:09 · LikeUnlike.

Amy Whittaker Not quite but i wouldnt put it past this person to wear something just as bad like a ribbon in their hair with dungrees (cant spell it sorry lol)
25 March at 22:15 · LikeUnlike.

Adele Cashmore This person sounds like a sight to be seen!
25 March at 22:18 · LikeUnlike.

Amy Whittaker She sure is
25 March at 22:22 · LikeUnlike
Any way i could really do with some chill out time. I cant wait for the Easter holidays!!!!!!

I missed it :'(

I was just looking back at some of my posts and i cant believe i missed my blogaversary......i posted my first post on the 18th march 2010, it doesn't seem like i have been waffling on that long, lol.

Oh well my blog is now 1 year and 3 days old....

cheque...check

I mailed the check to the photographer last Monday and he rang on Friday i think it was saying he got the cheque and would be sorting out the paperwork, so now we really do have a photographer. Then my brother went on a little kiddy tantrum that he wasn't coming to the wedding because he cant take pictures, i said he can take pictures but if he is one of the groomsmen he is supposed to be down front with the rest of us and he is going to be n the pictures so wont the pictures look a little bit stupid with him standing there taking pictures too?? i never got another answer from him about that. I was saying to my mom, i don't have a problem with him taking pictures but if he does then he will have to step down from being groomsman and sit in the congregation like everyone else and if its like some churches they only allow the official photographer to mill around taking the pictures and even then they have rules, its like the best man has a professional video camera which we can use but he knows he wont be using it so he is going to show his brother how to do it in advance so he can be there to do that so my photos don't have my best man stood behind a camera.

Another good thing about our photographer is he has shot at our venues, that's all of them, the church himley hall and the hotel so he knows the best places to be, some great shots that can be had and some good set up shots too which is great, we got to see some of the pictures from himley hall as that was in one of the preview albums he was showing us. We also asked all the questions about copy write too and we get printable rights. This means we can go else where and get prints, books, canvases, anything we want, the only thing we cannot do is sell the pictures, but i don't see why i would be selling the pictures anyway. As we picked the cd package we get 2 cds, one with colour photos and one with black and white, all which have been 'fixed' if needed. We also get a proof folder so we can look through them all and even if we want to go back at a later date and order prints or albums we can.

Love it magazine

I love 'love it' magazine, i get it almost every week and there is always something in there that shocks me. But while i was looking through last week i thought im gonna send a picture of my puppy in to them just for the sake of it, so i went on the website and while looking i found this section where you can apply to try a diet from them, they supply everything and i can be in the mag. i thought why not reply i never get picked for anything right.....wrong....i had a girl from the magazine ring me today asking if i was up for it and i said yea so she will get back to me with more details, wow, i normally never like to really show myself or 'air my dirt laundry' as some may say but, i am so desperate at the moment to lose the weight i am willing to try anything, i finished weight watchers just 3 lbs less than when i started, i felt so ashamed, but for me i always felt like i was eating way to much while on it, like i eat a lot of fruit and veg anyway but as they are no points they dont cound then i was allowed 33 daily points then my weekly 49 and i was using no where near that unless we were going out for something like pizza and they were saying i should be sticking to my points but that was a lot of food for me, especially when i was under the nutritionalist before and they said as long as i was not feeling weak or like i was going to faint and i had enough energy i could manage on one meal a day, and that was from the hospital so from going from that where i managed to lose a lot of weight before to having to eat so much with weight watchers i couldnt put my finger on why i wasnt losing the weight. They also kept talking about how things like hormones and thyroid problems have nothing to do with weight, well that really bothered me because i have already done my research and hormones do play a major roll and this is a reason why someone with PCOS like me has problems losing weight but they wouldnt see that, just the weight watchers formula and it works there is proof, but i just wanted to scream and say please live my life work my work deal with my stresses and then deal with the hormonal imbalance and show me how easy it is to lose weight because im not playing around, i need to lose this weight if i have any chance at a family and even just for that reason only i would try anything but i know starving myself will do more harm than good.

How can i win?????